May 11, 2009

I’m sitting at the dinner table, naked, enjoying a cherry Pop-Tart. It’s actually a knock-off, supermarket brand pop-tart, but a pop-tart, nontheless. I would say my day has officially begun, wouldn’t you?

I have a new kitten. Here he is:

Photo 26

The girlfriend is in the way, so ignore her. Isn’t he great? We haven’t decided on a name yet, but we’ll probably have one by the end of the night. Here’s a list of names I came up with. I’m sure each one of these will be shot down:

Young Stripez
Young Bleed
The Young Joe Frazier
Sauce Money
Tobias 2

Anyone else have some ideas?

Wednesday is Hump day.

May 6, 2009

Not in the literal sense, unfortunately. Leave it to White people to come up with such a witty name for the middle of the week. LOL. <–White people created that too. Anyway, the new Gallows album is out, and I’m going to listen to it in it’s entirety as I work. I might be wiki’ing Josef Mengele at some point today. Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that. People are gonna think I’m into White supremacy like Tom Araya.

I’ll post a real entry today.

Kobe Bryant Scores 81 Points!

May 5, 2009

I wish. Something about last night’s loss has me wanting to correct my life. There’s nothing wrong, except the part where I don’t know what I want to do with myself as far as careers go. I enjoy doing pr/online marketing, and I absolutely love the entertainment industry, but certain aspects of this job are completely unoriginal, and repetitive. Who woulda thought that the music biz would be redundant? Not I. So, unless something clicks soon, I’ll probably look into pursuing something other than a degree in Comm. We’ll see though. Some days I dream about having my own marketing firm, and some days I dream about being a race car driver. Almost 24, and I don’t know what I’m doing with myself. Alarming.

So now that the serious stuff is out of the way, I can talk about Lil Wayne. I recently listened to The Carter III in it’s entirety and I have to say..Lil Wayne is nowhere near a top 10 list. I realize the guy can make a great album and write mega hits, but there’s nothing about his skill that makes me want to compare him to the all-time, and current greats. Fabolous, and Juelz have a guest spot on the same song on the album, and their verses put Lilweezyana’s entire disc to shame. SHAME. Anyway, that’s it for now.

Facebook suggesting suggestive suggestions.

May 4, 2009


Not a chance, Facebook. I should have clicked to see who my two “friends” are. I got no love for them homos.

Angry French Canadians Want To Beat Me Up.

April 28, 2009

The other day I was pitching some content to editors about the Webby Awards or some shit like that and without knowing, I sent an email to a fellow who is angry at me. Apparently our 3rd party email list needs to be updated. Anyway, this gentleman is angry with me because a few years back, I stole his 1st gen Gameboy Advance from his then girlfriend’s car. They broke up, he wanted it back, and I lied and said I broke it. I didn’t break it, I just felt like being an asshole. I’d video chat with his girlfriend (who is one of my best friends) and show her the Gameboy intact. hahaha. So, this moron responds to my email with:

You got balls texting me fucking fag,I don’t care that you’re Johnny’s new bitch, I’m coming back to L.A. and you’re the first on my list, and don’t think Michelle will save your ass again!

best regards, The Jypsy

I didn’t even text the guy. I should tell all of you that this guy is 31, and probably living couch to couch, just like when he was in L.A. last, but I digress. If you know me you know I responded with an email just as childish:

Wow, such hostility that is probably undeserved. I have no idea how you know Johnny or Michelle (I pretended like I didn’t know him), or me for that matter, but I’ve decided to do a quick google search on your alias. I still don’t know who you are, but when I read that you called me a “fucking faggot” and “Johnny’s bitch” I just thought I’d remind you that you look like this:




You see, any “man” with highlights in his hair is clearly a homosexual, and when you make the face in the third picture, you have no room to say anything about my orientation.

He hasn’t responded yet.

Bad ass song of the Moment #2

April 27, 2009

Steel Panther – Death To All But Metal

These guys play their instruments well. They also look really fucking gay, but that’s the whole point of their gimmick. It doesn’t matter that these guys ripped off a Metallica riff for this song, or that they say called Dr. Dre gay, or that they think Sarah Silverman is funny, or that they changed their name like 12 times or.. etc etc. Just listen to this shit, and laugh. Worst lyrics ever for a lead single. There’s a radio edit that replaces all the foul language with noises like horns, and whistles, and all kinds of stupid corny shit.

Nike 6.0 And 3 Inches Of Blood Collab.

April 27, 2009


The first pair of Nikes I’ll purchase that aren’t SBs. I haven’t bought a pair of shoes in over a year, but these are too dope to pass up. Pretty much a P-Rod High, and the colorway is insanely good. These drop Friday,  May 1st at select retailers. And now for some motherfucking 3 Inches Of Blood.

Which Hand Soap Is The Best..

April 24, 2009

..when you’re washing the blood off of your hands?

Too much brrrrrrooooooood!

Today is Disco Dance Friday.

April 24, 2009

While I hammer out reports today, I’ve decided to annoy the entire office. I work with people who are unappreciative of good music. They bother me with the nonsense that comes out of their speakers. Aphex Twin, Phoenix, Silver Jews? Fucking BLEGH. At some point today I’ll take a break and blog about gay rappers, and angry people who send me death threats about shit that happened years ago. While I’m away, here’s a sample of what I’ll be playing all day.

Boney-M – Rasputin

I believe these fine people are from Germany. I’ll have to ask Ali about it later. Anyway, this is a song about Rasputin and his giant cock. It’s an erotic tale.

Kano – I Need Love

Italian Disco at it’s finest. This is probably the most banging beat I’ve ever heard in my life. I don’t know how this singer managed to bellow the lyrics out without a heavy accent.

Heatwave – Boogie Nights

I’m going to tie this into 70’s/80’s Los Angeles gang culture. If you live out here, you won’t argue with me.

The Gap Band – Party Train

Same as above.

Bad Ass Song Of The Moment, Volume 1.

April 23, 2009

I took some time out of my busy work day to bring you goons some new shit. I’m sorry for keeping my wise words from you folks for so long, but I gotta make them dollarz. Anyway, I’m starting this new shit where I talk about a bad ass songs I listen to. It’s a good way to spread the word about shit you nerds might be missing out on. So, without further adieu, I present to you the first ever Crackcess Hollywood Bad Ass Song of the Moment:

Patrick Hernandez – Born To Be Alive.

At first glance, you may think Mr. Hernandez is some kind of Puerto Rican from the booming New York City disco scene but he is, in fact, an Italian Spaniard…from France. Awkward. Anyway, I don’t know the exact origins of how his legendary hit came about, but “facts” are not necessary when it comes to something as magnificent as this song. It appears as if Mr. Hernandez was pondering the question “What is the meaning of life?” That later evolved into the question “Why are we born?” Already on the verge of becoming a disco icon, a young Patrick decided to answer the age old question during a recording session with Rod Steward, and Tommy Seabach. “We’re born….born….born. Born to be alive.” The result? The world’s greatest dance songs ever written.  Rod and Tom had absolutely nothing to do with it, they were just there for moral support, and to drink French Cognac.

Time magazine sat down with this lyrical genius in 1980 to produce on of the greatest interviews to ever be printed. The quote from Patrick that stick’s out in everybody’s head:  “MOTHERFUCK The Beatles.