Archive for the ‘Women’ Category

Thank You Poland, Part 2.

May 20, 2009

For the second time this year, Poland is giving me mad traffic. Why? Because everyone in Poland is a fan of this video, it seems. So, with that said, thank you, Poland. Thank you for Andrzej Golota, Tomasz Adamek, The Jew from that movie “The Pianist,” and the 2008 Olympic Women’s Volleyball team. Those girls were fine as hell.

milena

Milena Sadurek, everyone.
Love,

Alfonso Zayas.

American Idol contestant(s) you might want to bang.

February 26, 2009

Notice I said “you” and not “I.” There’s a good reason for that. See, Megan Corkery here, is a friend of my girlfriend’s. So if she read this, I’d probably get no sex for quite some time, and I need my sex to live. Anyway, does this girl have it going on or what? I semi-jokingly told my girlfriend that Megan should be a singer of a metal band, or some pussy type shit like Evanesance. She wasn’t pleased.

Can someone please get this gal to sing over the instrumental to Megadeth’s “Peace Sells?” I know she’s got the sass to sing it. Anyway, I don’t know how it works, but I’d like to see her win just cause I know I’ll meet her some day, and she’ll take us out to ridiculous steak dinners.

Bonus hot stuff:

I think I can say that I want to bang Kara without any backlash.

Calgary (The short version)

August 31, 2008

I don’t want to get caught up with everything that happened while I was in Calgary. It’d be too much to type. Instead, here are some pictures of my goons.

The only thing Madie and I have in common is our love for Dimebag Darrell, and Flo-rida. So I guess we’re soul mates.

Bow down to the Kings and Raiders hats.

She’s nothing but class.

CJ7 reppin’.

The trip had it’s ups and downs. I’m not sure which outweighs the other. I would never go to Calgary if I didn’t know people there. Such a dead town. I was so homesick by the middle of the week. Arriving at LAX last night was such an amazing feeling. Like something I’ve never felt before. Yeah, that’s corny.

My review of Slipknot’s All Hope is Gone should be up soon, and my interview with Heltah Skeltah will be put up September 1st  soon over at Godsgirls.com. I’ll link it here.

Canadian girls love me. They love Roy, too.

August 20, 2008

They love me because in Canada there is no one as awesome as I. Trust me, I’ve been to Canada. All they have there is Somalis, Asians, and Caucasians with accents. I’m going back for the second time in a few days just to make sure I’m right though. Anyway, the gal in the picture is from Canada. She burns easy. See? I’m the shit, bitch. I need toilet paper. And some air freshener, fuck a hater.

That’s Roy.

Double chin, lying sideways like a ‘mo, stunner shades and all. I’m still the shit.

That’s what I do to haters, and lames/squares.

MC Ren – Pedophile.

July 26, 2008

I am down with misogyny. Pedophilia, not so much. One of my favorite songs ever is N.W.A.’s “She Swallowed it.” It is the holy grail of songs disrespecting women. But there’s a part in the song that just BARELY caught my attention, and I am not down with it.

“..Went to the bucket, and I looked through the window/ it was some niggaz that I knew, they let me in, Yo!/  And my turn was like next, I couldn’t see a face, all I saw was a pussy and a chest/ I wanted to see a face, I felt I oughta/ Peeped over the seat, OH SHIT it was the preacher’s daughter!/ and she’s only fourteen and a ho, but the bitch sucks dick like a specialized pro/ She looked at me, I was surprized, but wasn’t passing up the chance of my dick getting baptized/ I told the bitch to do it quick, you little ho, hurry up and suck my dick..”

No one noticed this over the last 18 years? The Villain in Black is a sexual predator. Where is Chris Hansen? That little segment wouldn’t be allowed by the label today because of Dateline NBC. I could understand if the girl was seventeen and turning eighteen in two days, Ren, but fourteen? That’s too young, sir. That shit is weird, but I decided that all is forgiven by the third verse when he instructs you to hit a woman who says she doesn’t suck dick. I wonder why no one else was on the song..

I ain’t ever met a bitch that’s finer than me.

February 7, 2008

It’s been almost one month since I got fired. No job yet. I’m still looking. I’ve applied to places. I lack inspiration, and motivation though. Getting fired was a huge blow to my ego. I’m an egomaniac, and narcissist. I wear shirts with my face on them. I’m looking for something that sounds like I could make an immediate impact. I’m all about proving myself asap. I’m not worried about interviews. I’ve got enough personality to get a job without even talking about anything work related. But..I’ll sit here and sip on this Dr. Pepper and edit my resume according to what I find just in case it comes down to taking a look at my work experience.

I‘ve been a member of a popular dating site for the last..month or so. It’s hilarious. Browsing this site has proven to me that there are only a few types of girls, and all of these birds know how to use the internet. Everyone you meet is a fucking repeat. Let me break down the types real quick.

Fat girl/ugly girl – She “has a lot of personality.” She’s also fat, ugly or both. That’s a no go. The nerve of these heffers. I’m sure they’re trying to say fine ass girls with supple titties, and firm ass don’t have personality. Sometimes I just don’t give a fuck about personality, and wanna jump a bitches bones cause she fine. How about that shit?

Bible Thumper – I hate that she’s usually pretty hot. I can’t believe there are people younger than 30 that give all this praise to God. What has God ever done? Did God rush for two thousand yards in a season? Did God three-peat (props to Riley) two separate times in his career? Did God magically place Pau Gasol in a Lakers uniform?

The “I hate liars and fakes” girl – Ugh. Stop saying that. I find that liars and fakes are some of the most entertaining people on the planet. It’s like they’re putting on a free show just for you. Learn how to appreciate shit. This one probably has the mentality of a teenager even though she’s between the ages of 21 to 25.

The “I LOVE sports” girl – Sure you do. For our first date, we’re going to Hooters to watch Valparaiso take on Drexel. I hear it’s going to be a barn-burner. I expect you to know the starting roster, offensive/defensive schemes, and keys to success for both teams. Don’t ever say you love sports again. Sports girl could be hot. Most likely a white chick who attends USC football games just cause she has a crush on John-David Booty.

Independent Woman Part 2 – I get it. Anything I can do, you can do better. You’re gonna be somebody, you’re gonna strive to be the best and so on. Let’s see you dodge a punch. Lot’s of unnecessary sass from this one that makes you want to leave her stuck with the bill. She’s either beautiful, or just really horrid in the face.

I have kids, but wont mention that till later girl – Bitch, I knew it! I’m only in the market for new cars. I don’t deal with the certified used shit. What? 128 point inspections don’t matter to me either. You might get a hot one every now and again, but it’s just not worth it. I don’t get off on the fact knowing I’m fucking somebody’s hot mom.

I Don’t Give A Fuck! Girl – She goes out every night. Has tattoos, drinks, smokes, probably puts a line or two up her nose (What do you expect? It’s Hollywood), knows like 8 million dudes. She’s really pretty with all that makeup on. That’s because she’s a makeup artist. She’s usually in her late 20’s these days. I think she qualifies as a “Hit it and quit it.”

Hipster – You think she has no fashion sense, she’s lame, her friends look ridiculous as she does, she listens to Three 6 Mafia to be all ironic and shit. But she doesn’t care what you think. Some of these hipsters would get fucked with the quickness. It’s too bad I don’t wear the same jeans they do, otherwise I’d be in that ass.

Fuck you hoes.

New shit from Yung Joc feat. Young Dro & Bun B – I’m a G. This song would be way better if Yung Joc didn’t exist.

Man, I’m sittin’ puurty.

It takes two..or three.

January 17, 2008

See? I only hang out with the flyest chicks..and I take them to Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles.    Tonight I bought my ticket to Amsterdam. I’m really excited. 12 days of..wild shit. hahaha. I can’t wait.

Dark Beer.

December 16, 2007

I think Project Pat described my ideal woman with the song “Gel & Weave.” Here is the first verse.

You can put a wig on a pig-a-let, make her dance and jiggle it
Bring all the money back to Daddy and I’m diggin it
Burgundy or honey blonde, Yellow wit them black streakers
Red or the orange plum, Don’t forget the gold teefus
At the club half naked, In the store, house shoes
Cussin out authority, body full of tattoos
Bedroom doin things, flickin’ out her tongue ring
Livin’ in the projects, could be in a gang
She from the hoody-hood, all to the goody-good
Lips and her tongue and it’s all understoody-stood
First of the month mackin’, kids on the Similac and
Droppin over Mama’s house, “Girl what’s crack-a-lackin?”
Hookin up with so-called, g-string or no draws
Fingernails, big hips, juicy whale, pink lips
Ready mayne to do the damn thing at the motel
If you’re bang-banging all night she’ll go tell

“Paintin’ hella wallos on my physical.”

December 12, 2007

I want what I can’t have, and it’s driving me crazy. I wouldn’t say it’s unattainable, but it’ll be difficult to get a hold of. I think the chase will be worth it. Only two possibilities. Things might end bad, or everything will turn out peachy. This is really exciting in the weirdest way possible. I don’t know how I get myself in these situations, but I know I always get myself out them. Let the potentially awful times roll!

I’ve been listening to The Darkness all day. It’s too bad Justin Hawkins took off after rehab.

All good.

November 28, 2007

Soooooo, today I got shut down by a lady, and I’m pretty bummed! I figured I’d try my luck and ask her out on a date cause I think she’s really fly, but she just isn’t interested. Fine. Understandable. I respect that. I hope it’s not awkward between us now though. I don’t think she can blame me for trying. Even she knows she’s dope. haha. I think tonight I’ll buy over priced alcohol and blabber about it to my friends. Cheers.In other news, my MacBook is acting stupid as fuck, I brought my lunch to work, and the new Ghostface Killah album leaked. It’s really great. “Yolanda’s House,” and “Rec-Room Therapy” are really amazing.= \