I hate these fucking bands because they suck.

I didn’t plan to write this any time soon, but I was over at youtube a second ago watching videos from bands who think their music is good because a bunch of 16 year old kids with lip rings and bangs say so. This entry is all off the top of the dome. I didn’t come in here with a list to cross off, I just became really annoyed out of nowhere with the following “bands.”

Whitechapel

Oh boy, those are some great vocals. I’m still trying to figure out when it became cool to gurgle your lyrics into a mic. Maybe when Cannibal Corpse first did it. I can’t say shit about Cannibal Corpse..but only because I’m scared of those guys. Hey, hip-hop heads, gurgling on the mic, at least to me, is the equivalent of autotune shit. You understand. I don’t mean to distance my loyal rap breddahz with this entry. I just need to rant. Here’s something I thought of the other day: I usually hear some wack ass rapper talk about his influences being Pac, Biggie, Rakim etc., while they make awful music. I often wonder if bands like Whitechapel go on record to say they are influenced by bands like Anthrax, Metallica, and Pantera. That’d be the worst.

I Wrestled A Bear Once

When you make “music” like this, I feel you shouldn’t be allowed to make a music video for it. How can you possibly get creative when making a music video when you sound like this? You can’t. That’s why you let your friend (who knows how to use Windows Movie Maker) “direct.” I couldn’t imagine where this brilliant concept for a video came from, but then I realized everyone in that video was white. There’s my answer.

On top of them sounding ridiculous, having a stupid name, having a keyboardist, and having a shirt that makes me want to commit hate crimes, they have a woman on vocals. A stupid, nerdy one that 15 year olds probably drool over. Someone needs to tell this bitch to take sidekick nudes, and that girls cant rock. I’m tired of Century Media signing bullshit bands like this. I can’t wait for the 20 year anniversary show of IWABO. Faggots.

The Black Dahlia Murder

The Antichrist doesn’t wear glasses. I would never ever listen to a band if their frontman wore glasses. You know what that tells me? You are a fucking geek. Glasses will universally be recognized as the symbol for all fucking nerds. So, if you wear spectacles when you make music like this about the devil and whatever else offends moms and dads, I know that you’re a fucking nerd, and probably got pushed around a lot when you were younger. Luckily, you have a loyal legion of 16 year olds who are down for your cause, and will defend your shitty product 4 lyfe. Kinda like a juggalo. Also, don’t cover classic songs when you sound like you do.

More to come.

Tags: black dahlia murder sucks, i wrestled a bear once sucks, metallica rulez., whitechapel sucks