Notice I said “you” and not “I.” There’s a good reason for that. See, Megan Corkery here, is a friend of my girlfriend’s. So if she read this, I’d probably get no sex for quite some time, and I need my sex to live. Anyway, does this girl have it going on or what? I semi-jokingly told my girlfriend that Megan should be a singer of a metal band, or some pussy type shit like Evanesance. She wasn’t pleased.
Can someone please get this gal to sing over the instrumental to Megadeth’s “Peace Sells?” I know she’s got the sass to sing it. Anyway, I don’t know how it works, but I’d like to see her win just cause I know I’ll meet her some day, and she’ll take us out to ridiculous steak dinners.
Bonus hot stuff:
I think I can say that I want to bang Kara without any backlash.
I didn’t plan to write this any time soon, but I was over at youtube a second ago watching videos from bands who think their music is good because a bunch of 16 year old kids with lip rings and bangs say so. This entry is all off the top of the dome. I didn’t come in here with a list to cross off, I just became really annoyed out of nowhere with the following “bands.”
Whitechapel
Oh boy, those are some great vocals. I’m still trying to figure out when it became cool to gurgle your lyrics into a mic. Maybe when Cannibal Corpse first did it. I can’t say shit about Cannibal Corpse..but only because I’m scared of those guys. Hey, hip-hop heads, gurgling on the mic, at least to me, is the equivalent of autotune shit. You understand. I don’t mean to distance my loyal rap breddahz with this entry. I just need to rant. Here’s something I thought of the other day: I usually hear some wack ass rapper talk about his influences being Pac, Biggie, Rakim etc., while they make awful music. I often wonder if bands like Whitechapel go on record to say they are influenced by bands like Anthrax, Metallica, and Pantera. That’d be the worst.
I Wrestled A Bear Once
When you make “music” like this, I feel you shouldn’t be allowed to make a music video for it. How can you possibly get creative when making a music video when you sound like this? You can’t. That’s why you let your friend (who knows how to use Windows Movie Maker) “direct.” I couldn’t imagine where this brilliant concept for a video came from, but then I realized everyone in that video was white. There’s my answer.
On top of them sounding ridiculous, having a stupid name, having a keyboardist, and having a shirt that makes me want to commit hate crimes, they have a woman on vocals. A stupid, nerdy one that 15 year olds probably drool over. Someone needs to tell this bitch to take sidekick nudes, and that girls cant rock. I’m tired of Century Media signing bullshit bands like this. I can’t wait for the 20 year anniversary show of IWABO. Faggots.
The Black Dahlia Murder
The Antichrist doesn’t wear glasses. I would never ever listen to a band if their frontman wore glasses. You know what that tells me? You are a fucking geek. Glasses will universally be recognized as the symbol for all fucking nerds. So, if you wear spectacles when you make music like this about the devil and whatever else offends moms and dads, I know that you’re a fucking nerd, and probably got pushed around a lot when you were younger. Luckily, you have a loyal legion of 16 year olds who are down for your cause, and will defend your shitty product 4 lyfe. Kinda like a juggalo. Also, don’t cover classic songs when you sound like you do.
My girlfriend is currently making dinner, and playing World of Warcraft at the same time. This is something I cannot comprehend, but I’ll let it slide this one time. Seriously, though, if dinner turns out to be subpar, then we all know what has to happen. Love hurts. All semi-joking aside, I love that my girl wants to play video games with me, but I’m wary of the ones she wants to play. World of Warcraft takes your soul. Ask my friend Peter. This guy would rather level up than hang out with some chicks. It’s happened more than once. I’m just afraid she’s gonna play like 20 hour sessions on the weekend and forget about me like my friend Peter. hahaha. Why can’t she co-op with me on some Gears of War, or Halo 3? Maybe even go against me in some MK vs. DC Universe. (I can hear her character attack or something right now. hahaha) This stirfry better be the shit.
I’m slacking on the personal updates as of late. I’m just consumed by everything. Work, school, relationship, ruining Valentine’s Day dinners etc. If it were up to me, I’d write about my sex life 24/7 but I have to “respect” my girlfriend or some jibber-jabber like that. Man, do I have stories! (I can hear her playing Brotha Lynch Hung while her character attacks enemies, but I don’t hear anything sizzling. Hmm. Beat down time? I’m pretty sure she just hinted at playing WoW all night. What about sex? Goddamnit. My sex life is over faster than it started. I just heard her say “You’re doomed, little guy!”) I’ll be jerking off tonight…and tomorrow morning, and tomorrow night etc.
We are currently in the process of looking at places together. Moving fast? You bet. That’s the only way I know how to do things. Run-N-Gun like Mike D’Antoni, and the New York Knickerbockers. In all seriousness, I feel like it’s meant to be. I mean, if you guys only knew how we ended up together, you’d probably stop all that “fuck a bitch” shit (Shouts to Biggie). We both work, and make steady livings. I’m sure we’re gonna find a cozy apartment in our nice little suburb in the coming months.
I think dinner is just about ready. This week I promise to post some funny shit. I still have a couple of lists to post, and some top 10’s I came up with that are sure to make you gays “LOL.”
If you like good video games, and good fucking amazing metal bands, then you’re going to buy this. Check this video out. Some lucky dudes (haha at the fat bassist) get to play Slayer’s “War Ensemble” from the upcoming Guitar Hero: Metallica game. It looks insanely difficult. Take a look for yourself.
