Classic.

Hahaha @ “Hips-turds”

Stolen from: Non Threatening Black Male.

Nike SB falling off, black hipsters and stupid kids to blame.

I haven’t splurged on a pair of SBs in a minute for two reasons. I have no money, and most of the shit coming out is just plain wack. So..I guess if I had money, I still wouldn’t buy. Whatever. 2009 is looking pretty weak, but this dope ass Blazer is “John Blaze” as the popular kids would say:

Expect these to drop in the Spring or Summer, 2009. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a girl with thick thighs in my bed, and I need to warm up cause it’s Winter time, and a heater can only do so much.

Take me to Jonestown.

Sorry about the lack of updates. The holidays and all that shit took over my life for a second. Speaking of holidays.. My family does their Christmas festivites on the 24th for some reason. I never knew why so I decided to investigate. I asked my mother why we didn’t open gifts on the morning of the 25th.

Mom: Porque? Yo no quiero esperar.

I suppose being impatient is a good reason to open gifts early, and when your mom is in her 50’s and from Central America, whatever she says goes. She’s not afraid to break out that sandal and hit you behind the ear.

Then I asked my sister why we weren’t being traditional with our Christmas festivities.

Sister: Because we’re not White.

This is the same person who tried to explain to me that stereotypes were wrong. I was under the impression that all Black children are naturally buff, and she told me to stop being ignorant. This was before she said “fucking Asian people can’t drive.”

Ah, my brother. I was sure to get a real response out of him. After all, he’s a man. He has a brain. “Hey George. How come we don’t celebrate Christmas on the 25th like everyone else?”

Brother: Cause it’s my house, foo’.

This is a 31 year old man with a college degree still talking like Kid Frost, and every other hispanic gang member from the mid-nineties. How could I even argue?

Finally, I asked my father why we didn’t follow the rules.

Dad: Because these Jews..

I stopped listening after I heard “Jews.” There was some rant about Disneyland, and then he made this absurd claim that Christmas was a Jewish Holiday. I just laughed. Happy Holidays.

The hood bootlegged em, now everybody sportin’ em.

I’m not one to splurge on Air Jordans, but this cold temperature I’m experiencing has me wanting to take part in some of this heat thats dropping in January and February of ‘09.

Jayo Felony > Your favorite rapper.

Finals are over! What a relief. I don’t go back till February, so that means I better find a job between now and then. Or I can just continue to sell stolen goods.

And now, my favorite thing in the world; Gangsta rap.

Julene Can Go Eat A Bag Of Dicks.

I’ve decided to stop drinking any beer that isn’t Guinness or Newcastle. Maybe I’m being too elitist. Let’s say… I’ve decided to stop drinking shitty American beers. I haven’t been out drinking in a while, and for good reason. My pockets just aren’t as fat as they used to be. So lately I’ve been relying on going to friend’s houses, or getting treated to lunch or whatever. Big mistake? Probably. Most of the people I know drink piss.

I was finally introduced to Bud Light exactly one week ago. A bunch of folks gathered to watch De La Hoya quit, and naturally, everyone in the house was Mexican. What is it about Mexicans and beer? I swear every Mexican drinks only to get drunk. I suppose I can let that slide though. Their taste buds must be damaged from all the chile they’ve consumed since birth. Anyway, the beer is awful. I don’t know how I managed to drink two bottles of this garbage. 

Coors Light is the worst beer I’ve ever tasted. My genius of a brother decided it’d be a good idea to go to Round Table Pizza, and order a pitcher of this shit. That beer tastes like shit. It’s like a dry, less fizzy version of Alka-Seltzer. Who the fuck drinks this bullshit on a regular basis? Awful.

Man, I be so fresh I make you go back in the house.

I’m in the library listening to the new E-40 album at a volume that is inappropriately loud. I’m waiting to get yelled at by some young go-getter that’s annoyed by 40 Water. Anyway, here’s a small update.

This is the last week of school before finals. I have three to worry about, but I’ll be okay. Getting to this point finally makes me realize that I have what it takes to finish. I got through my first semester, and the shit flew by real quick.  I remember my first day back like it was yesterday. I actually stood outside of the classroom saying to myself, “I can’t fucking do this.” Then I pictured my mom whooping my 22-year old ass in front of everyone, and I marched my sorry self into that classroom ready to get my learn on. I’m glad I didn’t walk away. At first I dreaded it, but it didn’t take long for me to adjust to school. I actually enjoyed being on campus. Anyway, I’m excited for the Spring semester to start in February. I’m way happy about coming back, and getting my learn on. I can’t wait to finish up here, and transfer my ass to a university.

The Parentals are talking to each other again. Super weird. With the way things went down when my mom left, I thought that the two of them would never to each other ever again. I was wrong, apparently. It’s really weird for my brother and sister too. They don’t really approve of this new supposed “friendship,” but, what can you do? The other day I came home around 8 in the morning and my mom was there with my dad…acting questionable. Super awkward moments were dodged when I pretended that I wanted to take out the trash. On m way to the dumpster I was like “Was she really there?! What were they doing, or about to do?? Ewww!” It happened again on Tuesday. Kill me. So I don’t know if they’re gonna get back together or not. They’ve been hanging out a lot lately… We’ll see.

I have a girlfriend. Yup, you read correctly. She’s pretty much the flyest gal I’ve met, and I’ve met plenty of gals. Here’s some photographic evidence of me meeting gals:

Anyway. I’m sooo glad I met her. An example of how cool she is: I just told her I watched a video of a guy shoving a jar up his ass, and the jar breaking, causing the shards of glass to tear up his asshole, and bleeding all over the place. She laughed. Fuck, she’s awesome. Sounds like a I got myself a winner, ey?

Barack Obama smokes Menthols.

Tom Brokaw is giving him shit for it, too. Typical.

So, why do they let the mentally challenged further their education? I may sound heartless or whatever, but I’m genuinely curious as to why there’s hoardes of them at my community college. It’s not like there are tons and tons of them holding down serious jobs. And if they are, ew. Would you really hire someone missing a chromosome as your lawyer, or even let yourself get pulled over by a cop with downs? I doubt it. So why are they there?