Rockstar Mayhem Festival.

Apparently I’m an honorary “Maggot” now. These white dudes were mortified when I told them I had never ever listened to Slipknot before, and watching them that day would be my first time. They then proceeded to tell me about their history. I appreciated it, but I didn’t want to sit through that shit. Anyway, I went to the Rockstar Mayhem Festival yesterday because I enjoy metal, and white people. The brahs were in full effect. Here’s a small “review” of what I saw. Sorry, I took pics with a shitty camera phone because they wouldn’t let me come in with my camera.

 Airbourne – Holy hell! These guys rock. There’s definitely that AC/DC influence in their music, but it’s faster. I enjoyed their set for three reasons. One, They’re a fun band, and they sound great. Two, the moment I stepped into the pit, 5 White Supremacists jumped in, which means I jumped out. I’m not gonna have my face broken by a dude with SS, and Swastika tattoos all over. And Three, I saw titties with nice dark nipples.

 Suicide Silence – I do not listen to their music. I don’t dig all the screaming and shit, but I love the show they put on. Lots of energy, and white people going fucking crazy. I stood as far away from the pit as I could because the last time I saw these fuckers, some girl got kicked right in the face like two feet away from me. It was righteous. Anyway, keep on keepin’ on, Suicide Silence.

Walls of Jericho – I don’t like them either. I’m not with all that screaming shit. I think the girl is hot, but I still stand by my “Girls can’t rock” statement. Somehow, she got the biggest pit of the day started. It was so hectic. I saw some pretty little things in the pit getting trampled. Good. Serves them right for trying to act like men.

 Mastodon (The Greatest Metal Band on Earth) - The venue was being gay about the pit in the main stage. It was open to everyone during their set, which means I was really close to the front because bros arent smart enough to understand the amazingness that is Mastodon. I was expecting them to play something off of the upcoming album, but they’re still doing promo for Blood Mountain apparently. Their set was pretty much the same as the last time I saw them. “The Wolf is Loose,” some shit off of Leviathan, and I forgot what they closed out with. During the set, some dude from Slipknot came out to take pictures of everyone in the crowd, and everyone started making noise for that guy. I don’t give a fuck about Slipknot. Mastodon rules. I’ve decided there is no band better than Mastodon. Troy’s nose started bleeding at one point. That was either cocaine, or the heat. I’m not sure which one. He strikes me as a whiskey type of guy though.

Dragonforce – These guys played on the main stage after Mastodon? They’re terrible. Everything just sounds the same. They played a “new” song from the “new” album. It was the same hyper speed bullshit that you’re used to. They played “Through the Fire and Flames,” and every 14 year old in attendance went crazy. I have a picture, but it isn’t worth posting. I was sitting down, and too far away. They had a keytar player though. That was fun. Oh, and some cool guy threw some shit at the guitar player that isn’t chinese, and he flipped them off. That was hilarious. They still suck though.

Machine Head – They’re awful. I hate bands that say “SO WHO’S SMOKING MAD WEED TONIGHT?!” That’s lame. No pictures because my back was turned to them for most of the set.

Underoath – I wouldn’t give these pussies the time of day if they promised me the bible would get me freaky hoes who were into ass to mouth. I’m glad Suicide Silence thinks they’re gay. hahaha.

A bunch of bands I missed – I missed you on purpose.

Disturbed – These guys played on the main stage after Mastodon? If sucking was an Olympic sport, Disturbed would be that Russian that has been to the Olympics three times in a row, and has won the medal for sucking each time. Holy fuck they’re terrible. Bros love them, and I don’t even know why. They’re not metal. They’re in the same genre as Godsmack, Puddle of Mudd, Nickelback etc. I think it’s called “Gay Shit.” Does the lead singer know he’s a rapper, or what? Ugh. I don’t have a picture because I was sitting down the whole time. I guess you can say I was sitting down with the sickness. Oooh, ah, ah, ah.

Slipknot - Official band of the KKK? I have to admit these guys put on a fucking great show. They were so in sync with each other, and their stage presence is phenomenal. Even the percussionists look cool doing what they do. I wasn’t able to really “rock out” because I don’t know their catalog, but my friend Clay was going insane. Watching White people in their natural habitat is so exciting. All in all, they’re cool. I don’t know when I’ll see them again, but I’ll definitely make a real effort too. Hell, I’m going to buy their new album. I was that impressed.

Being at a show like this makes me miss the days I was working in the music industry. Mostly because I don’t want to pay for tickets anymore, and loved rubbing my backstage passes in people’s faces. hahaha. No, really. I loved being a part of making things run. It’s inspiring to see all these bands go out there and do their thing. It’s even more inspiring the bands get on the mic and shoutout all the people behind the scenes.

Tags: mastdon is the greatest band on earth, rockstar mayhem festival, slipknot