Hands-Free Law.

This law can go eat a dick. It doesn’t even make sense. If you’re driving, you can’t be holding a cellphone to your ear, but if you’re over 18, you can still text while driving? How does that even work? I hope more people get into accidents. Idiots. I think the worst part about this is that you’ll see a lot more assholes talking on their cellphones about useless shit in public. I swear to God if I’m eating in the patio area of some fancy restaurant and everyone is on their fucking phone talking about how stupid the hands-free law is, I’m gonna stab a bitch.

The government is in cahootz with them bluetooth headset companies. Faggots. Since this law is going into effect real soon, I will comprise a schedule for my friends of when to call me. I’m not going to get a ticket because you want to go to the movies. I don’t drive and text. That is dangerous. And you’ll never ever catch me wearing a bluetooth headset. Not even if it guaranteed me some freak who is willing to do A2M.

I don’t need a reason to post that.

Death Magnetic.

Well excuse meeeeeee. I didn’t know I lived in the United States of Prude-land. I’m all for banging a chick on her period. But I didn’t know it was such a crime to smear the blood on the girl’s face a little bit. Apparently I’m “disgusting.”

No updates in a while. Blame my personal life. Good and bad things are happening. I think there’s also some grey area stuff happening, but I don’t know how I would distinguish grey area from good or bad. I also don’t know what I’m getting at. Ha! So I went to Toronto like two weeks ago to have some fun a bunch of women at a tattoo convention. It was epic, I enjoyed myself. I made new friends, drank beer, walked around all sweaty, and took a lot of pictures all while wearing a VIP pass, cause, you know..I’m the shit. I’m looking forward to the next time I go to Toronto. Actually, I’m looking forward to the next time I go to Canada..cause that’s like two months away. The end.

About Twelve hours ago I went to purchase Last 2 Walk, the new album from Three 6 Mafia. I walked into Best Buy to discover that Sony is doing some type of ULTRA cost cutting maneuver and packaged the cd into what appears to be a fucking case for sampler CDs. It didn’t even come with a booklet, in fact, there’s a url for the album credits on the back of that piece of shit case. I can’t believe these guys even signed off on this shit. Maybe it was their idea? I’m actually a little upset over it. It’s been bothering me all day. Hopefully this is just the stupid Best Buy version, and there’s an actual one with a Jewel case at other retail stores. I’ll buy that one if I see it. I was debating whether or not I even wanted to spend the $7.98 for it. I would have gotten the bonus Project Pat song if I got it on iTunes for 2 dollars more, but I love having the physical product. Really weird.

Update: I just checked the URL to look at album credits, and the page didn’t work. Wonderful.

Explanation. I’ve been listening to these dudes since 2000 or something, and they have never let me down. THEY STILL HAVEN’T! Now, I know they’ve come a long way from that horror core shit they started with, and they’ve gotten more poppy on every album. I can’t hate that. For every member that’s left the group, the quality has gotten so much better. The only problem with Most Known Unknowns was that Crunchy Black was still present. This album is Crunchy free, and it’s got more Project Pat than ever! That’s a win. We all know how amazing a Project Pat verse is. Lyrical messiah, anyone?

Lyrics..I can’t expect too much from either of these dudes on that tip, but they sure are entertaining. All they’ve talked about for the last 10 years is girls, drugs, guns, cars, and for the last 2 years, clothing. I love them for that. Example: “I’m all about this pimpin’ when it comes to women. Get some head while drivin’, oh, what a feelin’.” -Juicy J. The J stands for “Jenius.”

Now for some DJ Paul: “..Ridin’ down the the street, mayne, up in my big car. I scoped a lil sexy, lil mixed, lil broad. She made my dick stand like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, I hit the breaks so hard that I dropped my cigar. Pussy print fat like cash in a wad..”

Ah hell, I might as well throw in some Project Pat since he is an honorary member and all. I’d just like to point out Pat’s ability to highlight the best part of his rhymes by raising his voice at the end of every line. I will try to do what he does, but in text form: “..Got apple bottom jeans, but yo’ nails lookin’ DUSTY. You da main broad in the club, got it musty. A super loud mouth, naggin’, very fussy. Open toed shoes, toenails kinda crusty. I like a dirtbag, carpet burns on her knees. Penis in her mouth, make my balls say CHEESE!..” Some lyrical heat fo’ ya ass.

Production. Hi-hats, and big bass 4 LYFE. Yes, this shit is more poppy and radio friendly than ever. So what? I think “Lolli Lolli” and “I’d Rather” sound great, and are excellent choices for singles. (Let’s watch Columbia’s marketing department ruin this.) DJ Paul made 22 tracks of straight heat. Well, I use that term loosely because I’m not sure how everyone is going to like the “Kernkraft 400″ sample on “I Got.” Or that one Christmas song they used for “On Some Chrome.” If you ask me, I think it’s brilliant. Then again, I still think this song is the shit.

Conclusion. I thought the album was balanced. Gun talk over marketable club bangers, and solid guest spots (Project Pat, UGK, 8Ball & MJG, Akon etc.) make this one a must listen. You have to give it up to Three 6. They’ve come a long way from this, this, this, and this. In my opinion, the two have gotten way better with every member that has been kicked out of the group. The absense of Crunchy Black on this release has made my year. Maybe this is the top for them, and the next album will be trash, and we’ll forget about Juicy and DJ Paul. But for now, let’s enjoy this shit, and pay our respects to DJ Screw, Fat Pat, Pimp C, and Lil Troy. Lil Troy isn’t dead. I just wanted an excuse to post that video.

Buy the album.

Three 6 Mafia – Last 2 Walk.

I’m really excited for this shit to drop on Tuesday.

Sorry about the lack of updates. I promise I’ll type something worth reading soon. I think this album will serve as the proper inspiration to get my life together. hahaha.

Canada, eh.

I’m in Toronto, being cool. Something these people know nothing about. I’ll write about this trip after I write about Europe. So..you might never see it.

Want free porn? Wear a Celtics jersey.

Erotica L.A. was going on over the weekend, and I was only able to attend on Sunday. How sad. I went in 2006, and missed it last year due to some kind of event for work. Anyway, I went with my friend Peter. Peter and I know everything about pornography. He is my A-Alike. The drive over to the convention center was filled with convo about cream pies, best new starlets, girls who need to start doing anal, and cheap “2 for $5″ porno. There’s a 30 second video of this.

“Do you even know where Boston is?”

Kids in a candy store. Maybe that isn’t the right way to describe it, but you know what I mean. I just wanted to scream “I love porno!” at the top of my lungs and run around in circles like a retard. I made the mistake/genius decision to wear my Celtics jersey. I was harassed constantly, but when I walked over to the Jules Jordan booth, one of the dudes there was from Boston, and let me have a free porno. I chose Ass Worship 9. Velicity Von’s first anal scene. It’s classic. Shot the shit for a minute, and wandered some more.

“Take off that jersey!”

Passed by Mr. Marcus, who is shorter than I am. Really weird. He had his trademark hate and watch on. haha. Lexington Steele was dressed like Eddie Griffin in Undercover Brother. Ron Jeremy still looks like my dad. I didn’t take a picture with him. The first long line we waited in was for Sasha Grey. I had many things to say to her, but the only thing that came out was “Hi, how are you?” and “Give me an interview for Godsgirls.com..blah blah.” How stupid. I was going to buy Sasha Grey’s Anatomy in Blue-Ray, but it was 35 bucks. Fuck that.

“Fuck the Celtics, Dogg!!”

Some more wandering, and we ran into Joanna Angel of Burningangel.com. She’s teeny tiny. She made sex eyes at me, but my loyalty to GG is too strong. Joanna leaves without my dick.

“Take that shit off!!”

The longest line we were in was for Belladonna. We looked around for a few hours before she showed up. I bought Butthole Whores 2 while I was in line so she could sign the cover. She greeted me with a hug, and whispered dirty things in my ear, and then gave me her phone number. That was a lie. She signed some things, gave me some shit, and then took a picture. Then I died and went to heaven.

“You’re in the wrong town, buddy!!”

I ran into Godsgirl’s own Superna at the convention!! She was dope. I introduced myself, and she was like “Oh shit, you’re Farhaad?!?!” haha. She’s real nice

“Don’t take a picture with the Celtics fan!”

And then there was Audrey. She touched me inappropriately. I think I fell in love with her.

Okay, I’m bored of posting pictures. It was a good time, I’m glad I caught it. AdultCon in December is next. Check out the rest of my pictures at Myspace.com/starhaad

Women’s College Softball.

Congratulations Arizona State Sun Devils on winning the Women’s College Softball World Series. Now, get naked.

I can’t watch or enjoy watching women play sports. There’s no such thing as a teabagging dunk in women’s basketball. No woman will ever use the jab to set up a knckout like Lennox Lewis. And no woman will ever have an intimidating presence on defense in football. I have to admit though, college softball is pretty fucking awesome. I watched the Women’s World Series because it was fast, exciting, and because every game was extremely competitive for the most part. But..there’s always a but. The main reason why I watched was because of this:

College softball girls are fine as hell. They look so wholesome in the pitching circle, in the outfield, in the dugout.. I’m going to post up my 08 All-star team so you folks can see the brilliance that is white girls. Time for sleep.

Hillary Clinton loses! Score one for men everywhere!

That is an image from Althea’s latest set on Godsgirls.com. It was shot by photographer/mad man Kelly Lind. Mr. Lind decided to pay tribute to the most active members of the Godsgirls community. That is me next to the kissy face. I’m flattered, really.

Tomorrow I will have an entry about Women’s College Softball. I normally hate women’s sports, but I have nothing negative to say about it. Congratulations, Lady..Sun Devils?