I ain’t ever met a bitch that’s finer than me.

It’s been almost one month since I got fired. No job yet. I’m still looking. I’ve applied to places. I lack inspiration, and motivation though. Getting fired was a huge blow to my ego. I’m an egomaniac, and narcissist. I wear shirts with my face on them. I’m looking for something that sounds like I could make an immediate impact. I’m all about proving myself asap. I’m not worried about interviews. I’ve got enough personality to get a job without even talking about anything work related. But..I’ll sit here and sip on this Dr. Pepper and edit my resume according to what I find just in case it comes down to taking a look at my work experience.

I‘ve been a member of a popular dating site for the last..month or so. It’s hilarious. Browsing this site has proven to me that there are only a few types of girls, and all of these birds know how to use the internet. Everyone you meet is a fucking repeat. Let me break down the types real quick.

Fat girl/ugly girl – She “has a lot of personality.” She’s also fat, ugly or both. That’s a no go. The nerve of these heffers. I’m sure they’re trying to say fine ass girls with supple titties, and firm ass don’t have personality. Sometimes I just don’t give a fuck about personality, and wanna jump a bitches bones cause she fine. How about that shit?

Bible Thumper – I hate that she’s usually pretty hot. I can’t believe there are people younger than 30 that give all this praise to God. What has God ever done? Did God rush for two thousand yards in a season? Did God three-peat (props to Riley) two separate times in his career? Did God magically place Pau Gasol in a Lakers uniform?

The “I hate liars and fakes” girl – Ugh. Stop saying that. I find that liars and fakes are some of the most entertaining people on the planet. It’s like they’re putting on a free show just for you. Learn how to appreciate shit. This one probably has the mentality of a teenager even though she’s between the ages of 21 to 25.

The “I LOVE sports” girl – Sure you do. For our first date, we’re going to Hooters to watch Valparaiso take on Drexel. I hear it’s going to be a barn-burner. I expect you to know the starting roster, offensive/defensive schemes, and keys to success for both teams. Don’t ever say you love sports again. Sports girl could be hot. Most likely a white chick who attends USC football games just cause she has a crush on John-David Booty.

Independent Woman Part 2 – I get it. Anything I can do, you can do better. You’re gonna be somebody, you’re gonna strive to be the best and so on. Let’s see you dodge a punch. Lot’s of unnecessary sass from this one that makes you want to leave her stuck with the bill. She’s either beautiful, or just really horrid in the face.

I have kids, but wont mention that till later girl – Bitch, I knew it! I’m only in the market for new cars. I don’t deal with the certified used shit. What? 128 point inspections don’t matter to me either. You might get a hot one every now and again, but it’s just not worth it. I don’t get off on the fact knowing I’m fucking somebody’s hot mom.

I Don’t Give A Fuck! Girl – She goes out every night. Has tattoos, drinks, smokes, probably puts a line or two up her nose (What do you expect? It’s Hollywood), knows like 8 million dudes. She’s really pretty with all that makeup on. That’s because she’s a makeup artist. She’s usually in her late 20’s these days. I think she qualifies as a “Hit it and quit it.”

Hipster – You think she has no fashion sense, she’s lame, her friends look ridiculous as she does, she listens to Three 6 Mafia to be all ironic and shit. But she doesn’t care what you think. Some of these hipsters would get fucked with the quickness. It’s too bad I don’t wear the same jeans they do, otherwise I’d be in that ass.

Fuck you hoes.

New shit from Yung Joc feat. Young Dro & Bun B – I’m a G. This song would be way better if Yung Joc didn’t exist.

Man, I’m sittin’ puurty.